Thoughts on Motherhood

When I first put up this blog in 2008, our daughter Alysha was only a year old and wasn't talking yet. I was 59. I was wishing she could talk so that I could communicate with her. She is now 6, (going on 30).  I have to say, it's so much better now that she can tell me what she wants.

It was never my ambition to be a mother, and since the Universe contrived a situation which removed my ability to conceive, I simply accepted it. In fact, I felt I had so much to work out on in my  youth, that it would have been selfish and detrimental to myself and my child to have had one.

Me and Alysha on our farm in July of 2012 taken by Dave Dewbre

Now that I am going on 64, I have mortality issues. I worry I won't be around long enough to fully teach her all that I want her to know about our world, other people and life itself.  I know that is counterproductive, and I do indeed try to live one day at a time and make the most of it. But once in awhile, I do prepare for the time I won't be around.

She has started school and lives with my even more elderly parents (mom will be 86, dad 93, both healthier and spry than I have ever been) in Puerto Princesa City, during the week, and we now only get her on weekends. I have found that absence truly does make the heart grow fonder. Although I reluctantly became a mom late in life, I am very glad I have this opportunity to give Alysha a good and meaningful life. Dave is a great dad and she has learned many things from him, like tinkering with mechanical objects!

I'm not an ooey, gooey mom. I don't get all up in a lather every time she falls down. I just tell her to get right back off and brush herself off. She's very independent now, and chooses to dress herself without my help. She's says, "I WANT to do it myself."

My mom Helen, spoils her, so it's left to me to be the "strict" mommy and see to it that her being spoiled doesn't make it ok to take advantage of people by whining when she doesn't get her way all the time. I think when I was her age, I was a baby tyrant doing whatever I had to to get mom to see things my way. Of course, mom didn't know how to say no to her only baby daughter, and I took quite the advantage of her!  Compared to me then, she's a pretty spectacular kid. We are blessed as she is blessed to have each other in our lives.

Dave with Alysha and her electric car.

When Dave first expressed his desire to raise a daughter, my first thought was, "That's nice, please send me postcards and let me know how ya'll are doing". My way of saying, I didn't sign up for this! Especially since I was fast approaching 60 back then.

After having thought, meditated and prayed about it, and not wanting to deprive my mate from an experience he wanted, I relented. Later it became a mission, and now it's a joy.

I am learning as much about myself as about Alysha. She is teaching me patience and many other things. Here's hoping I stick around long enough for us to really have a grand life together with me and Dave.

Alysha in red, strolling on our property with
our helper Shalla, goat Rachel, cat Ming
ming and daughter of our other farm hand.

We live on a 2 hectare lot in the countryside, away from the maddening noise and traffic. We have been learning sustainable practices. We have animals like chickens and a singular goat named Rachel. I've gotten cats and dogs and a bunny so she will learn to love God's creatures and also how to take care of and respect them as well.


Hopefully she will grow up to love and try to protect Mother Earth as we are trying to do on our semi sustainable farm. If I survive, when she is 20, I will be 83. Heck, my mom is 85 and still drives her to school 5 days a week. I guess there is still hope for me.

Our native home in Luzviminda

A photo of my and Alysha taken in May 2014 - She is now 6 years old and a delight to us all.